Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationship Without Knowing It?
There’s a whole lot to learn when you are building a new romantic relationship. You know you love each other and want it to last, but you don’t know each other well enough to have the patterns down pat. It takes time and understanding to manage a loving relationship. Especially early on, we often sabotage or damage our partnerships without realizing it until later. I know that I have made these mistakes in my romantic relationships.
Here Are 3 Important Things To Watch Out For So That Does Not Happen:
Blaming The Other Person For Your Feelings
We all know we shouldn’t do it, but too often we do it anyway. We make statements like, “You make me so angry!” or “You never listen to me!” We make them responsible for our feelings. But in reality, we are the only ones who can make us feel a certain way. It’s always better to say instead, “I feel angry when you do that.” or “I feel like you often don’t listen to me.” This puts the responsibility of our feelings firmly in our camp, not making them responsible for them. This might seem like a small difference, but it helps keep them from feeling attacked so that they are less likely to lash out.
Discounting Your Partner’s Feelings
We do this when we argue about the way they say they feel. Things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way because I didn’t mean it like that.” or getting angry when they share their feelings, even in a non-accusatory way can make the other person feel like their feelings don’t matter to you. Obviously, you can’t build a firm connection with another person when they think their feelings aren’t important to you. Our feelings are our reality, and everyone’s reality is different because the way we experience things is different. Take care to avoid making your loved one believe they are wrong for having the experience that they are.
“Love Doesn’t Erase the Past, But it Makes the Future Different.”
― Gary Chapman,
Believing You Are Right & The Other Is Wrong
We live in a world of dichotomies. If something is wrong, something else must be right. But just as we explained above, everyone experiences the same situations differently based on our upbringing and background. These things shape the way we view situations. Many times, no one is right or wrong. We just need to come together long enough to understand that we don’t see things the same way and that that’s okay. We can still build a committed relationship or friendship despite our differing views of reality.